Things I Wanted To Say To The Girl At The Rave
December 31, 2021
- Hi.
- I’m writing this, sitting in my dorm room, taking my makeup off before bed. It’s well past 2 AM, so forgive the typos.
- I want to tell you how much I enjoyed meeting you.
- When I first started transition, I felt anxious and overwhelmed by every new emotion I experienced. Seeing you ready to show yourself to the world so early made me respect the hell out of you. It was incredible to see someone so adept at navigating that space, especially given how much I struggled with it.
- I’m proud of you, too. You might make it look easy, but I’ve been there, and I know it isn’t.
- HRT can work magic. I know I tried to explain how it’s changed my life, but the thumping bass didn’t really let me. It’s reduced my anxiety, it’s boosted my mood better than any antidepressant, and it’s given me confidence in myself and my body that I never knew I could have. Oh yeah, and boobs of course. You’ll love it. Probably.
- But don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with or ready for. This isn’t a race.
- Even though it feels like one.
- The person who complimented your eyelashes was right. They are pretty. (That was the thing they complimented, right? Again, I couldn’t hear.)
- Even though you’re a few years older than me, I was honored to be your metaphorical “big sis” for part of the night.
- You’re the first trans person I connected with in public, did you know that? I mean, I have trans friends from my high school, and from my university, but I met them all through something. You were the first person I talked about trans-ness with who I didn’t know beforehand.
- I’m sorry I forgot your name. I promise it’s nothing personal, I’m just really shitty with names.
- Your confidence will take you far. Keep that around if you can.
- Can you teach me how you do your eyeliner sometime? I really liked the look you had. I’d offer to give you some tips as to how I do it, except that I don’t really know anything.
- I know you said you wanted to change the world. I have no doubt you will.